Family.

I need to warn y’all. This post is going to be a bit controversial and may reflect an opinion that doesn’t align with yours. Please try to read it with an open mind. This is the author’s (mine) personal belief which you are not expected to agree with it. It is just an expression of a belief and an explanation of why I feel so. I am sorry if I hurt anyone’s feelings or sentiments.

My immediate family is the best I could ever ask for. My parents have been there for me in every way and I look up to my sister. I love them a lot and there is nothing I would change about them. However, this post is about extended family and is inspired by the experiences and stories of several people.

Family. A word that holds so much power. But what does it mean? To me, it isn’t blood or genetics that decide who is my family. For me, family means a support system that you can rely on. People who have seen you at your worst and chosen to love you despite it all. They are people who see your value even when you may be struggling to see it yourself. Family builds you up and they rejoice in your success. For me, family isn't an obligation, it is a choice.

In Asian countries, specifically in India, the biological family is given the utmost importance. You are supposed to account for and accommodate the opinions of all these people who haven’t even met since you were a baby. Some of these people are also given free rein to criticize every decision of yours even though they haven’t the slightest clue of who you are as a person or why you made the decisions you did. And the worst part is that we are trained to pay heed to this criticism. So essentially we have self-esteem issues due to this aunty whose only recollection of you is as an infant running around in your diaper.

And this is the part I hate. There are certain people who make your life difficult and completely ruin your childhood and relationships, simply because they love to create drama. These are people who simply cannot let things go. I don’t know whether it is deliberate or not, but their constant gossiping, manipulation, and complaining lead to tiffs in the family. What they do not realize is the impact this has on the children in the family. No one wants to be constantly surrounded by bitterness and negativity, especially not a child.

But then there are those rare hidden gems. Those relatives who are always there for you no matter what. They are there to applaud your accomplishments and support you at your lowest points. The amount of love and respect I have for these people cannot be expressed. These are the pure-hearted angels that we usually take for granted. The ones who call regularly to check up on you. The ones who will be at your side in a heartbeat if you ever need them. These are the people who restored my faith in the concept of family.

And then there are the most precious ones. The ones who are not related to you by blood, but you share a bond so deep with them that you may as well be. Imagine how much they must love you if they chose to stay with you. They are the ones you rely on on blindly because you know they always have your back. The ones who started as friends but now are closer than family. I thank God every day for these people. I don’t know where I would be without them.

So what I am trying to say is that for me biological bonds mean very little. My family is made of the ones who care and the ones who took any effort whatsoever to be a part of my life. I have no space in my life for the ‘relatives’ whose only intentions are to make my life more difficult. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. I only hope that they are able to live with themselves after all the bitterness they have sowed in other people’s lives. My heart is open to those who want me and chose me as their family. And I promise, we may not talk every day, but if you ever need me I will be there in a heartbeat. Thank you to all the people who are my family for being such amazing people and for being there for me. I love you.

Lots of love,

Joy.