Feeling Schmucky

Okay, this post is going to be a raw one, no filters, and definitely not a rosy picture that I force myself to paint. Honestly, I thought so many times before writing this post. But it doesn’t make sense for me to not post this here. This blog is about honesty and knowing that you aren’t alone. And though we stand for positivity, we do not condone toxic positivity. We embrace the fact that to truly appreciate the good in life, we also need to acknowledge the not so good moments. So here it is.

Lately, I have been frustrated. I am paranoid about the pandemic and have been trying to not step out of the house very often; which means that my social life is almost non-existent. The weather too has been super gloomy and to top it all off I have had my plate full. My to-do lists are spilling over. I am not one to procrastinate important tasks, to the contrary I prefer to finish them off as soon as possible. But lately, I find myself in situations where each task is prolonged due to factors beyond my control. This is extremely frustrating and exhausting. I take two steps forward and one step backward. So all in all I have been feeling pretty schmucky.

On top of that, I feel like I am being unproductive. Because of all my efforts, there is very little to show in terms of results. And God! I have questioned whether all of this is worth it way too many times.

But mostly it is the small things that aren’t usually a big deal that usually wouldn’t matter. But being in this state of mind where I am already upset, these small things trigger me even more.

Most of what I am feeling is probably illogical but at the end of the day, you cannot control how you feel. Feelings and emotions are natural things, they just creep up on you without any explanation. And no one should have to justify why they feel something for it to be validated.

Fortunately enough for me, I have a good support system. I have people I can rely on and I have worked out a system for myself. I am able to process these things better than I did before, but feeling this way still sucks.

So yes, this post had no real value. It is just me presenting my inner monologue to you. And even though it may seem like it is all hearts and flowers in everyone else’s life, that is almost never the case. So, my friend, pause for a moment and look around. Take in everything that is happening around you. Romanticize life and the little moments of happiness that you find. Cherish every memory and every person. Don’t be afraid to crack a smile in the middle of a breakdown or cry at the loss of a fictional character. Laugh a bit too loud and let the tears flow when you need to. Feel. Don’t stifle your emotions. Your emotions don’t define you but if you suppress them, they will start to control you.

Lots of love,

Joy.