I cried today

I cried today. I wept really.  I cried because I am scared- I have never been brave and I have always been anxious, but now it's worse. And most of all, I have always hated uncertainty.

So yes, I cried because I was overwhelmed because of all the people, all my emotions, and this crappy situation.

I cried because I felt as if I didn't deserve to cry, not when there were doctors and policemen and essential workers working tirelessly to protect us.  I cried because I felt trapped and because I felt privileged.

I cried because of all the could have beens.

I cried because I missed my best friend.

I cried because I was too tired of brushing my emotions under the carpet.

I cried for my friends who felt anxious and I couldn’t help because I couldn’t find the right words to help.

I cried because that is all I could do, I was helpless.

But when I was done, I washed my face and sipped water and put the smile back on my face. And then I felt better and I smiled for the same reasons I wept. Because I know that on the other side of all of this was something epic. I smiled because when this would be over I would meet my friends and family again. I would laugh again. I would make amazing memories. And most of all I would appreciate it all more. I smiled because I know that no matter how dark the night was, the sun always rose again. And when dawn comes I will welcome it with a smile.

Love,

Joy.