To my first love,

Dear love,

When I first fell in love with you, I was very young. I had no idea what the word 'love' even meant. But my heartfelt warm and there were butterflies in my tummy, and at that moment all felt right. It is crazy, I know. One might even call it puppy love, which, if I am being honest, I thought it was. But years passed by and that feeling never changed. Every time I would look at you it still felt like my heart was glowing.

Through all of this, you were clueless. Clearly, your charming self had been the subject of the affection of many. And trust me, I understood what they saw in you. Your goofy grin, the mischief in your eyes, and your intentionally messy hair- what was there to not love?

But then life happened. We grew up. We grew apart. You changed and so did I. You became the perfect bad boy every girl dreams of. But after being burnt many times, I learned that being close to you meant being consumed by the flames- of my love, your indifference, and our very clear differences.

There was this fiery passion within you, which seemed to brighten every life you touched. And I just wanted to bask in the glow. I always thought that you were it for me. I was almost afraid that nobody else would compare to you. Being around you, made me feel alive. You were my drug and I was addicted. But, alas like every addict, I realized that you were toxic for me. Don't get me wrong, I relapsed a few times and sometimes I still do. But I have at least found the will to pull away. And that is a beginning.

And this is the story of how I, a girl who has never dated, got her heartbroken by you, a guy who didn't even know that I loved him. You were never mine and I was never brave enough to tell you that I wanted you to be. And yes, I do think of what could have been if I had been brave enough to do something about how I felt, and the universe was kind enough to make it happen. But it didn't and I am finally okay with it.

So, my love, you will always be special to me, after all, you were my first.  And even though you aren't The One for me, I know you will be perfect for someone else. So do me a favor and show her all you can be. All I will say is that she will be one lucky girl and I will always remember you as the one charming fellow who made my heart glow.

Yours truly,

Joy.